everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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