I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
