babies were throwing up all over the place
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
