umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
