cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So vagazzling was a success
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
