I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
