Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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