I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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