Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Send help, water and tortillas.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
jump out the window naked night went bad
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
