Please, let me fuck your mom
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
