i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
