I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
