dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
