cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just pee around me
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
