i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
