just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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