i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
