don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
