My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
