I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
