Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
