so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
