Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
