nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I looked at my own cervix.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
