his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
