do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
