i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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