"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
