my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
