Michael Bay diarrhea
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
