God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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