According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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