She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
