I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
