Don't you send me to vm
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
