Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
