So gin and wine won't be happening again
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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