Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
