i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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