hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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