is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
