he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
