Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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