omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
