shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
