Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
