Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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