I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
