Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
