NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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