my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
