That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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