where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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