i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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